I know Anthony on Java

Two nights ago shortly after ten, officer, I heard from my second floor window a "Hello!" Yelling isn't that uncommon on my street which has been zoned 'hangout' by the 'check out my ride' authorities so I ignored it, but after several insistent times I decided it was meant for our house alone so outside I went. I was greeted by a drunk-teen year old who lives up the block in one of the 'I wanna check out your ride' buildings and who spends many a night on the stoop with his friends playing gansta. Additionally, I'm pretty sure he's the one I yelled at to close the fire hydrant across the street the day I moved in two years ago. And now he had come for revenge.
"Who's that guy that lives here... short with dark hair?"
There are five others in the house not matching this description.
"He's short and he hash(drunk-tax[inebriated syntax]) a dog named 'Brooklyn'...?"
"You must mean Keekay. What about him?"
Keekay is the nickname of Enrique who is a photographer from Spain that lives on the first floor of my house and has a dog named 'Brooklyn' because that's where Keekay and the dog live now(can you just stand it?!).
"He was takin' some pictursh of me earlier and some of my friends shay he was looking at me in the wrong way-"
Keekay as it happens is gay, and like most people gets randy while drunk which I'm assuming he was. He even tried to seduce me once... I think.
"-could you ask him to delete those pictures of me from his camera because, like, my friends said he could do things with them that we don't know."
Those pictures have probably already been 'developed' in the 'penis lab'.
"And my friends are ganstas and I don't want them to have to do nothin'"
Whoa! 'Law & Order' is always on somewhere in the world.
"Like what? What are your friends going to do?"
"No, no, I'm sayin' just ask him to delete the pictures of me cause my friends say he was looking at me in the wrong way." Or the KEE-way, RAOW!
I really do sympathize with this kid's plight because who knows how many of us have unintentionally smiled for the internet while under the influence. I told him I would tell Keekay to delete said photos.
"Hey, I'm Anthony and if anyone ever, God forbid, tries to rob you just say, 'I know Anthony on Java' and when they hear that, then they'll leave you alone."
Then we peaced out.
I hope he wasn't too drunk to remember to add me to the protected roll at the next gang meeting.
A girl fresh out of college whose window was even closer to the "Hello!" than mine, and had moved into our house THAT DAY stopped me when I returned inside.
She said she had been worried but she needn't have been. Because if she like you ever find yourself on the mean streets of Greenpoint looking at the wrong end of pointy stick all you have to do is look that thug in the eyes and say "I know Anthony on Java... you know, he's white and like fourteen or something..."