Whiz Test, Part 1: "Lesson Learned"
I'm going back to work at Pfizer in 8 hours. But today I had to first visit the ICUP.
When I first got the call to work at Pfizer two years ago, I was on vacation in Atlanta and one of the friends with whom I was staying, Rob, had a friend, Sang, who lived in the basement of his house and would frequently ask me to smoke pot with him while he explained the intricacies of USA Network's "4400". I repeatedly but politely refused because back in Greenpoint I was living with some "wake and bake"ers, and I knew if I did too much, it would very quickly become a habit. So after I got the Pfizer goodnews pfone call, I surprised Sang by taking him up on his offer.
"Why not?" I thought. "This must be how recreational marijuana use began."
No sooner had my head filled with metallic bees, than the temp agency called to inform me that, by the way, I had to take a drug test before starting work next week. After several minutes of contemplating how I'd destroyed my life, Rob calls to say he's locked himself out of his car, and can I come pick him up, but when I pulled up could I crash my car into his car, sandwiching him between the two, and then could I manage to mutter, "Gnarly..." before we both died in the ensuing explosion? I wasn't sure I was ready to do all that. Luckily Sang was used to driving his MG with a head full of hornets at top speeds to the rescue, but I felt stupid explaining why I had not come alone.
That's my personal anti-drug commercial. Steer all so misfortuned to the life changing lessons found within, and witness those you thought lost in an opium den, emerge a proud and productive admin.
When I first got the call to work at Pfizer two years ago, I was on vacation in Atlanta and one of the friends with whom I was staying, Rob, had a friend, Sang, who lived in the basement of his house and would frequently ask me to smoke pot with him while he explained the intricacies of USA Network's "4400". I repeatedly but politely refused because back in Greenpoint I was living with some "wake and bake"ers, and I knew if I did too much, it would very quickly become a habit. So after I got the Pfizer goodnews pfone call, I surprised Sang by taking him up on his offer.
"Why not?" I thought. "This must be how recreational marijuana use began."
No sooner had my head filled with metallic bees, than the temp agency called to inform me that, by the way, I had to take a drug test before starting work next week. After several minutes of contemplating how I'd destroyed my life, Rob calls to say he's locked himself out of his car, and can I come pick him up, but when I pulled up could I crash my car into his car, sandwiching him between the two, and then could I manage to mutter, "Gnarly..." before we both died in the ensuing explosion? I wasn't sure I was ready to do all that. Luckily Sang was used to driving his MG with a head full of hornets at top speeds to the rescue, but I felt stupid explaining why I had not come alone.
That's my personal anti-drug commercial. Steer all so misfortuned to the life changing lessons found within, and witness those you thought lost in an opium den, emerge a proud and productive admin.
posted by DvDLvN | 12:03 AM
3 Comments:
After much discussion betwixt us about this very moment, I think it's only appropriate that this is the post to be blessed with The Debut of Jen's Comments. For a whole list of reasons. The main reason is not, in fact, the most obvious one, but instead, PFIZER! You're back! Can't believe it. Well, I can believe it, but I don't like it. Well, i sorta like it a lot, actually. Because it's hilarious. Good blog entry, David. See you soon.
Hopefully they won't be checkin for weed. One time like 7 years ago I had to take a drug test for a job as a floor sweep at the Loew's on 19th street, and I had smoked pot the day before. I still got the job!
i just liked that you said "pfone". lovely.
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