Whiz Test Part II

When I went to take my test Monday I was ready: no "trips to Atlanta", no "Sang". I was sent to the same company that tested me two years ago, but they had a nicer, newer location and the lobby was full-ish. The Whiz Collection industry must be booming. And it's easy to see why: these people are good. We're talking "Is that your urine...?" good. First, the attendant is a really nice lady to which no drug addict could lie. Second, there's a therma strip on the cup you empty yourself into to make sure your whiz is body temperature and not "pee hidden inside your socks" temperature. Third, you have only 120 seconds alone in the bathroom to ensure: a)you haven't hidden the "good" sample in a place that's hard to reach within two minutes; b) you don't take advantage of the lack of a time limit like the guy in "King of the Bingo Game" and wait in there for two weeks until you're in the clear. All of these precautions would be unnecessary however if they made one request of you upon leaving the bathroom: "Okay, now drink it." Not too many people would drink someone else's whiz... unless maybe they were high in which case there's the loophole through that tactic. Damn, they are good.
After turning over my me temperature me, the super nice attendant suggests I wash my hands at the sink right outside the bathroom. I jokingly ask if anyone refuses and she says, "Yes, a good number." This should be part of the screening process. If you can force someone to pee in a cup within a two minute window, why not throw anobligatory handwashing in there? Refusal should result in loss of job as well. In fact, I would rather meet a coworker who is an addict than one who will knowingly shake my hand/touch the tongs at the salad bar with their private parts hands. Screen those filthy fuckers rights away.
Having done no drugs in a very long time, I am now back at Pfizer. Hooray...