Baby Marriage

I did an improv scene with my friend Yang last Saturday in which we began discussing taking novelty pictures of babies that were dressed as if they were in a wedding party. Adult parents standing by, visible only by their feet and shins. The jilted baby moping over to the side. We didn't get around to discussing baby gowns, which is too disturbing to contemplate. Would we tape martini glasses of milk to their hands? Isn't this and all other baby dress up photos exploitative?

"Well, babies HAVE to wear SOMETHING. Why not something cute and adorable we can put on a calendar?"
Brain trauma patients have to wear something, but you don't dress them up as giraffes and put them in the coma safari calendar for the month of July.
"But the babies like it and they become little income providers! Plus you'll have something to show them when they're older aside from the same old boring pictures."
Grandma, while you were unconscious we dressed you as a ham salad and sold your image to Dak Foods. I will leave this picture with you in your casket.

We do it with animals, but Captain Whiskers didn't get an abortion at fourteen because Muffler wanted to "feel the real thing." Plus, the Captain was dead at 11 anyway.
It can be cute to countdown the days with a precious dressed-up reminder of early life, but NIMBY, dammit, NIMBY(Not in my Baby)!

And today I was looking for pictures of Dragon Park in Nashville when I found this


www.moyerpictures.com/~photos/tn/1644_1024.ts...

They have their family photos just sitting out there on the internet for any freak to put on blog! Looking through them is depressing. What do they DO in Nashville? What do I do HERE? Here's a picture of their pregnant married friends, Ben and Bronwen.

I don't have the heart to tell "Bronwen" that her name should be spelled "Barbeque Grill".
Why is Ben wearing a longsleeve under his collared short? On what campus did he learn that? There are cold pictures of new houses and themselves viewing art displays as evidence that they viewed art displays. I'm frightened and bored just looking at these. Not out as Judgey McJudge, but because they're doing what you're supposed to be DOING that out THERE, and I can't imagine it. It probably has more to do with the fact that the pictures were taken in winter. Cue "Good Charlotte" cue "Modest Mouse"!