Disney/Pixar presents 'Car Wars'

'Cars' the latest from Disney/Pixar is so boring I started wondering what nightmare scenario resulted in automobiles taking over the American Southwest. I mean, someone had to create these cars, right? You're not going to tell me this


evolved from this



That's crazy.

At the beginning of the movie I thought perhaps a treaty between humanity and the New Machine Empire had merely ceded the cars land from Southern California to Texas. Then I saw the newscast from Japan... being delivered by a Honda.

I imagine 'Cars' is inspired by, if not directly set in the future of, Stephen King's shortstory 'Trucks' in which vehicles come to life and literally run humanity into the ground(this became the horrible movie 'Maximum Overdrive' during the trailer of which King promised the audience: "I'm going to scare the hell out of you!" One Emilio Estevez performance later, he was right). But like good propaganda, Disney has cutified our conquerors, and glossed over the victims of the coming Machine War to such a degree that it makes 'The Terminator' look like a documentary. Not a single word about humanity; only cheeky impressions. And don't give me that 'AI', Robin Williams more-human-than-human garbage because as a descendant of humans, I am somewhat offended. We never see the blood and bone struggle from which this candy colored racing world sprang. And then we line up, necks out, to buy toys of our slaughterers for our children so that when their killers come roaring across the parking garage at them one night, that grown-up child will smile and "look at the rabbits" before their brains shake hands with Mr. Pavement.

The most frightening sign that something's amiss in 'Cars' is when the main character and his hayseed friend go "tractor tipping". My God, these bloodthirsty mechanites were thorough with their meat slaughter, weren't they? Gather your milkshakes. While 'Cars' didn't specify the date of the uprising, I would encourage you to go home tonight and smash the windshield of every car, truck, and Vespa you see so that we may live to see a human dominated tomorrow; one those car-bore-HATERS won't see... since their eyes are their windshields. Run, bretheren, get in shape! Don't become like this tubby fellow, for whom the hobby of running came too late...