unlunched
For four months I’d eaten Louis Rich Turkey Sandwiches sometimes loaded with Guiltless Chili-Lime cornchips, sometimes not, while I waited in a hot room in Greenpoint for a mission, and for my sins they gave me one, and it was a real doozy: active duty VietPfizernam. Closer to the VietPfizernam of ‘South Park’ than the VietPfizernam of 'Aliens' I actually welcomed the job and the subsidized cafeteria of plenty it would bring. Before bed that night, I made a list of things I'd need:
_Metrocard, 10/24 exp.
_anti-Pizza4lunch pills
Famished, I lay in bed, waiting.
DAY ONE
Morning
My contact's name is Sun Hoo. She's going away on medical leave, something about a calcium deposit, and take a big fat guess who’s taking her place: that's right, yours truly: me: David Levin, the guy writing this. It's a new department I don't really understand, but I know the lingo, every good temp does, and the cafeteria’s only two flights down. In the hallways I run into a few ghosts of adminpast:
"Ken!"
"Helen!"
"Joauqin!"
Somewhere a Blackberry moans.
Noon
At lunch, I get ambushed. Someone's being promoted and they're sending her off in style and take a big fat guess who's going along for the ride: that's right, still me. Eight of us(down from 13, and I don't ask what happened to the other five) hump four blocks of exhaust and asphalt to the Delegate's Cafeteria at the United Nations. Never thought I'd see the inside of this place, but Sun Hoo's arranged everything and three security checks later we're in.
Here's the thing about the UN: everyone looks like they're from someplace else. But they've all come together for one purpose: to unite nations, and occasionally eat food from them. In the Delegate’s cafeteria this week they're celebrating food from Portugal. I've been to Portugal and I make sure everybody knows it. According to the AAA guide book Portugal is still very much a poor country but I guess they went all out to impress their fellow UN countrymen with this buffet spread. In the dining room we join people who wear their eccentricities with an ease I can only assume comes from owning the bomb.
At our table, Kofi Annan brings us bread, and Kruschev serves us coffee. While we butter and eat the bread I think "Did you people not see the buffet we passed? What are you waiting for!?" but as the greenie, the low guy on the totem-pole, the one no one knows and everyone expects won’t be around much longer, I keep quiet and look out the window. The view across the East River is as diplomatically idyllic a one as mankind could hope for with equal views of Long Island City, Queens, and Greenpoint, Brooklyn, with Staten Island and the Bronx floating conveniently out of sight. Finally someone from our table gets up and we get to explore and judge what the conquistadors of Brazil have to offer:
'Churchyard's Rose' Salted Portugean Cod – meh
Portugean Pork pieces – meh
Portugean Jugged Chicken - this is pretty good
Portugean Sauteed Broccoli Rabe – not too shabby
Baked Sea Bass from off the coast of 'you guessed it'– delicious! And they serve it out of a fish!
Portugean Chickpea and Watercress Soup – many of my new comrades went ga-ga over this and it was pretty good for a Radisson.
Venison prepared Portugean-style – not too shabby
Portugean Pinenut and raisin rice - many of my new comrades went ga-ga over this and it was pretty good for a Radisson.
Portugean Mesclun salad w/honey mustard vinegarette – I believe I could get this almost anywhere
Octopus arms, Portugese-style – about the length and diameter of two index fingers. This is pretty good.
Desserts:
Maria's Portugean cookie cake – Maria, marry-a me
Portugean Lemon bar cake – Mrs. Langberg, your lemon bars have been supplanted. You may now die.
There was a lounge in the men’s room should synchronized urination lead to diplomacy. The lounge was empty. I exited the restroom to find my company on their way out of the Delegate’s Cafeteria, me already forgotten. On the walk back, I thanked everybody for lunch and wished the woman leaving the group good luck. No one said her name(it was Amy).
DAY TWO
Sun Hoo didn’t come in today. Maybe that calcium deposit took a turn for the worse. Maybe it’s all up to me now, sooner than I expected.
There’s left over fruit from a morning meeting in the pantry. Embarrassed, I can’t remember the last time I ate fruit and wonder what effect this has had on my body. My great uncle said when he got back from WWII he ate an entire head of lettuce. With a coffee stirrer I spear honeydew, watermelon, and pineapple, and think of my Great Uncle Rabbit.
For lunch I have a soggy salad and a slice of turkey and sun dried tomatoes on wheat crust pizza with ranch. The pills are with me, I just didn’t take them.
They say I’m here four to six weeks. What will I eat next...?
_Metrocard, 10/24 exp.
_anti-Pizza4lunch pills
Famished, I lay in bed, waiting.
DAY ONE
Morning
My contact's name is Sun Hoo. She's going away on medical leave, something about a calcium deposit, and take a big fat guess who’s taking her place: that's right, yours truly: me: David Levin, the guy writing this. It's a new department I don't really understand, but I know the lingo, every good temp does, and the cafeteria’s only two flights down. In the hallways I run into a few ghosts of adminpast:
"Ken!"
"Helen!"
"Joauqin!"
Somewhere a Blackberry moans.
Noon
At lunch, I get ambushed. Someone's being promoted and they're sending her off in style and take a big fat guess who's going along for the ride: that's right, still me. Eight of us(down from 13, and I don't ask what happened to the other five) hump four blocks of exhaust and asphalt to the Delegate's Cafeteria at the United Nations. Never thought I'd see the inside of this place, but Sun Hoo's arranged everything and three security checks later we're in.
Here's the thing about the UN: everyone looks like they're from someplace else. But they've all come together for one purpose: to unite nations, and occasionally eat food from them. In the Delegate’s cafeteria this week they're celebrating food from Portugal. I've been to Portugal and I make sure everybody knows it. According to the AAA guide book Portugal is still very much a poor country but I guess they went all out to impress their fellow UN countrymen with this buffet spread. In the dining room we join people who wear their eccentricities with an ease I can only assume comes from owning the bomb.
At our table, Kofi Annan brings us bread, and Kruschev serves us coffee. While we butter and eat the bread I think "Did you people not see the buffet we passed? What are you waiting for!?" but as the greenie, the low guy on the totem-pole, the one no one knows and everyone expects won’t be around much longer, I keep quiet and look out the window. The view across the East River is as diplomatically idyllic a one as mankind could hope for with equal views of Long Island City, Queens, and Greenpoint, Brooklyn, with Staten Island and the Bronx floating conveniently out of sight. Finally someone from our table gets up and we get to explore and judge what the conquistadors of Brazil have to offer:
'Churchyard's Rose' Salted Portugean Cod – meh
Portugean Pork pieces – meh
Portugean Jugged Chicken - this is pretty good
Portugean Sauteed Broccoli Rabe – not too shabby
Baked Sea Bass from off the coast of 'you guessed it'– delicious! And they serve it out of a fish!
Portugean Chickpea and Watercress Soup – many of my new comrades went ga-ga over this and it was pretty good for a Radisson.
Venison prepared Portugean-style – not too shabby
Portugean Pinenut and raisin rice - many of my new comrades went ga-ga over this and it was pretty good for a Radisson.
Portugean Mesclun salad w/honey mustard vinegarette – I believe I could get this almost anywhere
Octopus arms, Portugese-style – about the length and diameter of two index fingers. This is pretty good.
Desserts:
Maria's Portugean cookie cake – Maria, marry-a me
Portugean Lemon bar cake – Mrs. Langberg, your lemon bars have been supplanted. You may now die.
There was a lounge in the men’s room should synchronized urination lead to diplomacy. The lounge was empty. I exited the restroom to find my company on their way out of the Delegate’s Cafeteria, me already forgotten. On the walk back, I thanked everybody for lunch and wished the woman leaving the group good luck. No one said her name(it was Amy).
DAY TWO
Sun Hoo didn’t come in today. Maybe that calcium deposit took a turn for the worse. Maybe it’s all up to me now, sooner than I expected.
There’s left over fruit from a morning meeting in the pantry. Embarrassed, I can’t remember the last time I ate fruit and wonder what effect this has had on my body. My great uncle said when he got back from WWII he ate an entire head of lettuce. With a coffee stirrer I spear honeydew, watermelon, and pineapple, and think of my Great Uncle Rabbit.
For lunch I have a soggy salad and a slice of turkey and sun dried tomatoes on wheat crust pizza with ranch. The pills are with me, I just didn’t take them.
They say I’m here four to six weeks. What will I eat next...?
posted by DvDLvN | 2:16 PM
2 Comments:
Ever since NBC cancelled the Black donnellys I've been waiting for a good East Coast drama but with a bit more humor.
What will come next to our plucky young temp? Consider me subscribed.
i love the mental image of a man eating a whole head of lettuce like an apple.
-d
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